If there is one thing I cannot stand it is religious people who can't keep their ludicrous beliefs to themselves. At my former job people used to have a lot of fun dressing up for Halloween each year. That was until a few employees complained that they were offended by a celebration of "the devil's birthday". What the hell? So that was it for Halloween costumes. What can normal people do when confronted with an issue of political correctness and in that particular case, race (the complainers were all African American)? Apparently this is happening with more and more frequency, such as at this school. It makes me angry that people can be so incredibly ignorant and that other people are forced to kowtow to this insanity.

Actually I'm going through a severe discontentment with the entire human race at present. Global warming, the war, mothers throwing their babies off bridges, politicians in the pockets of corporations, schools outlawing Halloween costumes--where is a redeeming quality of mankind in all this? As a mother I have to figure it out. I was researching Buddhism today, thinking I might find some clues, but honestly it's just another religion culminating in judgment and retribution. They can't even decide if they are supposed to be vegetarians or not.

I won't be writing for a while so I suppose I should leave on a positive note. Things that are good:

1) Next week I get to see my best friend marry a really awesome guy.
2) I'm a bridesmaid in said wedding and my dress is absolutely gorgeous.
3) I love watching Merritt explore the outdoors. There is something about a child in nature that is so beautiful and real.
4) I get to see my family and have some hearty home-cooked meals.
5) We are flying instead of driving to Maryland!
6) Merritt will be getting lots of interaction with different people and my parents' new dog, Lefty, who loves kids.
7) Alan Ball is going to do a new HBO series about southern vampires.
8) Stephenie has not been voted off Survivor.
9) My husband is really sweet and listens to all the strange and unreasonable things that I say.
10) I no longer have a job where I am personally subjected to the results of spiritual brainwashing. In fact, I no longer have a job at all!

Catch you on the flip side...

It's gotten cold here today and I'm really not enjoying it. How I ever survived living in a colder climate than this, I don't know. I simply cannot stand cold. I don't know if it's psychological, cold is negative; or physical, my blood pressure is notoriously low. Anyway it's getting me prepared to be in Maryland next week, freezing my ass off. I bought a pair of supercute Airwalk furry black boots so they will keep me somewhat cozy. I can't decide if I should go for it and wear them with pants tucked in, it seems pretty wild after years of safe under jeans boot wearing. But these boots are so adorable it will be hard to hide them.

I just rented, watched, and quickly returned She Hate Me, the new Spike Lee movie. It sucked serious ass. Major disappointment. And I am a huge Spike Lee fan usually. The only redeeming quality was the art hung on the walls of the main character's apartment: big hazy earth-tone portraits of African American faces. For some reason the artist was familiar to me but I just can't put my finger on how I know the work.

Merritt's doctor was ecstatic with our progress: we managed to put a whole pound on him in a month. Feeding him is still a battle though. According to what I've read, it's all about control. This is the first way a baby learns to take control of his life. And Merritt is an especial control freak, just like his mommy. Karma really is a bitch.

OK: slippers, cardigan, hot tea and I'm finally warm.

My blog is worth $1,129.08.
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6) Ponder buying entire album.

Here we go again with Hurricane Wilma. It certainly has the makings to be another catastrophe. Currently we are out of the danger zone here on the northeast coast but that could change easily.

Tomorrow is Merritt's follow-up at the doctor. It sure seems like he has gained a bit of weight--my back is sore as evidence. Regardless I am going into the appointment much more educated and empowered than before. I won't be caught off guard this time.

Tonight is my favorite night of TV. America's Next Top Model is awesome this season, the girls are all so pretty I really don't know who will win. And I have become a serious Lost disciple after having watched the whole first season on DVD just in time to catch the second season. Sunday nights I still dutifully tune into Rome, which has gotten especially good since Cleopatra appeared. And though I resisted Survivor yet again on Thursdays, once I found out Stephenie was back on I had to give in. And though it is never my plan I find myself watching the Amazing Race Family Edition on Tuesdays, and rooting for the Florida team since the other teams are so catty towards them. And perhaps I have a bit of home pride.

It's true, I haven't been writing nearly as much as I once did. It might be because Merritt has become more work for me since he is walking everywhere and taking three meals a day in his high chair (half of which inevitably ends up on the floor); or because I had a disappointing experience with an online acquaintance, leaving me with a weird indifference about the whole web thing.

Merritt is at an age where he is very mobile and extremely active, knows what he wants and what he doesn't yet cannot express it except to fuss, moan, groan, and whine. Perhaps I should have stuck with teaching him sign language a bit more resolutely.

Besides the communication difficulties the cuteness factor is way off the charts. Lately he has gone from bouncing up and down to music when holding up on something, to standing independently and focusing very intently on his dancing. He throws a few handclaps in there occasionally too. This kid loves music but what can you expect with parents like his. I can't wait to take him out on the dancefloor at Brigette's wedding.

One of the highlights of the past few weeks was a visit from my real life friend Julie and her husband and her daughter Mairin, who is another of the babies from the hurricane boom of 2004. We had a wonderful time with them, playing at the beach and watching the babies interact. I kept trying to take photos but I never could get both Merritt and Mairin to face the camera at the same time. Although one of the pictures turned out really cool anyway:

My mother has always been an avid gardener and when we were younger she grew vegetables. My parents had a tradition of taking photos of my sisters and I as babies next to their biggest reddest tomatoes. When after two years my pineapple was finally harvested this summer, I decided to follow the family tradition and got a picture of Merritt with it:



I kept wondering when it was going to ripen because it never grew very big, but then when we came home from our visit to Maryland I noticed the color had changed from green to golden yellow. And it smelled wonderfully sweet so I assumed it was ready to be picked. The flesh was even more delicious than I ever dreamed, without a trace of the acidity you have grown to expect with store-bought pineapple. I planted the top and now we will have to wait patiently another two plus years to taste that heavenly freshness again. Unless we go to Hawaii I suppose.

I finished my commission and it was a fulfilling and inspiring experience overall. The client was an absolute pleasure to deal with. Next on my to-do list is planning Brigette's bachelorette, selling some high dollar stuff on eBay, and much needed housecleaning.

Merritt is in a good phase right now: sleeping great and totally on schedule. It's times like this that I hate to disrupt him but unfortunately sometimes I need to take him places during nap time and hope he snoozes a bit in the car. Also the strangest thing happened a few days ago...we took him to Steak n Shake for dinner one night when I had just had it with his noneating that day. Unexpectedly we sat down and he devoured a ton of food: baked beans, hamburger, and loads of cheese fries. In fact he was holding the cheese fries up to the sky before he ate each one, as if making an offering to the fast food gods. After that night he has been much better at mealtimes overall, eating new food and more of it. So something clicked into place there. For now.

I read a very disturbing article yesterday about American soldiers trading pictures of mutilated Iraqi bodies for amateur porn on the web. To make matters worse they include gleeful captions regarding the dead and injured. Finding out that things like that are going on it makes it very hard to say with any sincerity that I support the troops. More and more this war seems to be turning into a redux of Vietnam and next will come the mentally ill soldiers unable to cope when they get back home. I am so sick of feeling powerless against the violence and aggression in this world.

The happy glow of Merritt's first birthday wore off a bit when we had our one year checkup with the doctor. In fact after the experience I was livid for over a week. Too confused and angry to even write about it. I knew that Merritt was on the small side but at the nine month appointment the doctor did not seem too pressed about it. This time we saw the other doctor in the practice, the one that helped deliver Merritt, and he gave us a boatload of shit about him not gaining enough weight--he was 18.9 pounds and should have been at least 21. When I explained that he was a picky eater, never would touch baby food, and had only recently started eating a few limited items, the doctor replied that it was our fault he was like that. I am not paraphrasing: he literally said when a baby won't eat then the parents are to blame. He said this along with a bunch of other bullshit and no solutions. He could not answer me when I asked what Merritt should be eating, I had to do this research on my own (it turns out he should be getting more fat in his diet; breastmilk and Cheerios and fruit will sustain him but won't bulk him up). And the doctor showed absolutely no knowledge of the different growth rate between breastfed and formula fed babies which it turns out is fairly significant. With doctors like this it's really no surprise we have a childhood obesity epidemic in this country!

Anyway I could go on and on about that insensitive asshole and the ridiculous things he said that day, when the truth is Merritt is happy and active and developing normally if not above average. We were going to find a new pediatrician but it seems better to just stick with this practice since the baby is used to them and I don't want his vaccination schedule mixed up. In regards to my own health I have always had the attitude that it is up to me to be knowledgable about how to take care of myself and that doctors are mostly just good for writing prescriptions. It appears I will have to remember that attitude with my child as well.