The main thing that is really different about this pregnancy is that I have been in a shitty mood most of the time. From bitchy to downright depressed. Today was the first day of no nursing so perhaps that hormonal change will help, or maybe it will make it ten times worse. I do know to expect some pain in my chest for a while as things settle down.

Saturday we were all excited to set up our special silver Christmas tree, pleased with the idea we had to put it on the back porch to keep it out of baby reach. Then we plugged it in and noticed that half the stupid lights don't work. So now we have to go through a billion lights and check each one to figure out which needs replacing. It was a total holiday buzz kill.

The highlight of my Thanksgiving was a gift I got from my parents: a diamond pendant on a white gold chain. The diamond comes from one of my grandmother's rings and the setting and chain my mother chose is absolutely stunning. The whole thing sparkles and I will wear it as much as possible. These days I go very minimalist with jewelry; I have a small box with just a few diamond, white gold, platinum, and black pearl pieces that I wear. Then I have a large jewelry box full of so much stuff that I rarely if ever wear but can't part with due to sentimental reasons.

It turns out Justin's birthstone will be an emerald since he will most likely be born in May. Merritt's is a sapphire, mine is a ruby, and Andy's is a diamond. No semiprecious stones for this family!

The word, Diamond, is from the Greek "adamas"- meaning unbreakable or indomitable. They were believed to render all poisons harmless & to drive away madness, night spirits, and evil dreams.

A natural Emerald without flaws is very rare, and expensive!
This stone has been linked to fertility & the Earth Goddess, is sacred to the Goddess Venus, and was worn by women to ease the pain of childbirth.

Historically, the Ruby is associated with royalty & the power or life and death. It was attributed the power to prevent loss of blood, strengthen the heart, and negate poisons.

Sapphires are traditionally connected with the eye & the sky- therefore with vision & the ability to read the future. Sapphires render black magic harmless, and help the wearer discern falsehoods. Buddhists believe the Sapphire brings purity & spiritual enlightenment.

Last night I had a dream that I miscarried. It was terrible and the feeling has stuck with me today. Oddly it was one of the first good nights sleeps I have had in a while, probably because I took the body pillow back in bed with us. I don't recall sleeping this poorly this early on with Merritt. And I thought I would have my perfect pregnancy skin back by now. Every baby is different, they say. I was nauseous this time and wasn't last time. Also was less exhausted, but that could be that I just couldn't allow myself to be too tired with a one year old to chase around.

I have only been nursing Merritt in the morning now. Today he rejected the second breast. So he is ready to be weaned. I just have to let go and that will be it. Tomorrow will be the last day and I will probably cry. I know it all sounds bizarre to anyone who has not breastfed.

Thanksgiving was nice but the free range turkey sucked ass. It was difficult to cook and the meat was weird. The next day my lower back froze up, thanks to lugging that stupid 17 pound bird in and out of the oven. That's my last roasted turkey for the foreseeable future. Meat in general has really been grossing me out lately, not good since you need to keep your iron up in pregnancy.

For the longest time I have had a boring photo of a calla lily as my wallpaper. Today I changed it to this beautifully disturbing painting by Falero called A Fairy Under Starry Skies:



A larger version can be seen here.

The cat's out of the bag. Meow. I'm pregnant again. Due date is June 1st. We had the CVS test done with a positive result and know we are having another boy. I'm thrilled on every level. His name is going to be Justin Andrew.

Some cute recent pictures of my darling firstborn. He likes to play in dirt:



And he is developing quite the sense of humor:



It's interesting to note that Merritt most likely will not have any memory of life before his baby brother.

Merritt appears to be getting six teeth, four bottom and two top, which would clearly explain why this has been the worst bout of teething we have had so far. But the past two days he has been back to his old self. In fact, he has surpassed his old self in playfulness, like his is making up for lost time. Motherhood is back to being fun. But only one of the teeth has actually broken the surface so far. Besides this, Merritt has suddenly become a voracious eater. He's still picky but he packs it in just like his mother. It's really great to see and I am no longer worried about his weight gain. He has a big belly that sticks out over his pants. I took him for a hair cut yesterday and his bangs are super short, like a Caesar cut, and it looks nerdy and adorable on him. We're going to dress him in his party outfit from Brigette's wedding, take him to the beach, and shoot some photos for our Christmas card.

Besides Merritt things I have a lot going on. I am preparing for Thanksgiving next week, bought a free range organic turkey this year. We'll have nine people here which will make my favorite holiday quite festive. It seems there is always something to clean around the house. I haven't cleaned the oven in the over three years we've lived here. And I'm due for my once a year refrigerator cleaning. I've been trying to sell some Hummel figurines for my mom on eBay but it's not going well. They are valued high but collectors won't pay very much for them.

Merritt is teething again and it's not pretty. All the usual symptoms--sleeplessness, fever, runny nose, irritability--plus this time: a week of diarrhea. It has been all work and no fun for Mommy. I just have to keep reminding myself that it will be over soon.

Three films that I will make a point to see in the theater, even if I have to go alone:

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
Memoirs of a Geisha
Aeon Flux

The Southwest artist R.C. Gorman died recently. He is the only famous artist that I have ever come into contact with personally. The experience was somewhat disappointing. I worked in a sushi bar in Taos, New Mexico and he was there for lunch with a woman who pretended as if it was nothing unusual that the man was slobbering food all down the front of his blue silk shirt. They were drinking sake and I couldn't tell if he was just sloppy drunk that early in the day or if spilling food all over himself was commonplace for him. The rumor around town was that he had affairs with his very young male assistants. In other words, R.C. Gorman was an artist quite like many of the past. And like those others with questionable behavior and reputations, I loved his art unequivocally:

If you were a fairy, an elf or a gnome, what sort of life do you think you'd lead? What would your purpose be?

I would follow artistic types around and whisper inspiration in their ears.

Would you ever consider signing anything in blood? If so, what sorts of things?

That just seems like Angelina Jolie extremism to me. I guess if I had to I would.

Think of your famous person crush. Say you found yourself in a romantic situation with that person and they wanted to do something sexual that you find distasteful. (Nothing humiliating or violent.) Would you do it? What would be your limit?

No, most likely not. If I haven't done it already then no amount of groupie crush is going to change that.

Do you like Ethiopian food? If you haven't tried it, do you want to try it?

I've never had it and would love to try it. Just another thing I should have done when I lived in the DC area--Adams Morgan was famous for its Ethiopian restaurants.

What can you do that many other people can't do? What do you know that many other people don't know?

Back when I smoked cigarettes I could do so with my toes. Writing anything is the easiest thing in the world for me. I have an uncanny sense of smell. I am aware of and can remember the tiniest details of what I see.

Tell your most interesting laundry related story.

This would have to be when our house was struck by lightning by way of the dryer vent.

Remember the time there was a mystery stink. What did it turn out to be?

When I lived with Andy and Brian there was a bad smell in the living room. I detected it first and they thought I was crazy. Later someone moved the couch and found a decomposing mouse corpse underneath.

What are the ingredients in your tuna salad?

Miracle Whip light, chunk light tuna (pouch not can), sweet pickle relish, and one of my exotic spice blends.

If you could participate in an Olympic sport, real or imagined, what would it be?

Roller derby.

You are bitten by a radioactive creature of some sort. The next day you find you have new powers. What was the creature? What are your new powers? How does the movie end?

I was bitten by a dragonfly. I wake up with profound knowledge of physics and astronomy. The movie ends with me launching a satellite that deactivates every nuclear weapon on earth and makes it impossible to create more. While rebalancing the environment.

We're home. We had a great time but we are all really tired. Merritt learned how to stand up from crawling when we were at Christina's house--big milestone. Being a bridesmaid was wonderful and I really dug my hairstyle, a punk updo. Brigette was a storybook bride. The weather up there was unseasonably warm and the fall colors were out in all their glory. I've changed Merritt's schedule so he sleeps as late as he wants in the morning. It's nice.

I'll watch Rome then crash.